Many MTG players love the art, or the intricate gameplay. Some prefer the thrill of opening booster packs of random cards, hoping to attain a Foil chase card. But many often overlook the little flavour text found at the bottom of paper Magic cards.
Flavour texts are little nuggets of information into the lore of MTG. It reminds you that this is game with characters and creatures, and that their lives are in your hands. You can find these flavour texts in italics, at the bottom of a card’s text box, after abilities have been written out.
In over 25 years of history and in excess of 20,000 cards, Scryfall lists over 7,000 with some kind of flavour text, though this includes ruling guidelines that some cards are accompanied with. We’ve tried to pick out the best, coolest, and funniest flavour texts of all time in MTG’s history. If there’s one that we missed and you feel particularly strongly for, please let us know in the comments and we might add it in!
Fodder Cannon
Step 1: Find your cousin.
Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon.
Step 3: Find another cousin.
Humour has always been a part of MTG, even though it stands back in the shadow of “cool” and “awesome.” You’ll find that Goblins contribute to a lot of humour, possibly because of their tribal nature (you’ll see more of them below!)
Spellbook
“Everything the wise woman learned she wrote in a book, and when the pages were black with ink, she took white ink and began again.”
—Karn, silver golem
Goblin Balloon Brigade
“The enemy is getting too close! Quick! Inflate the toad!”
The Goblins are back! And what do they do? Inflate the toad of course!
Reparations
“Sorry I burned down your village. Here’s some gold.”
This is such a typical slap in your face! Thankfully the card’s ability is actually pretty decent – way better than some gold!
Eager Cadet
“Training? Seeing my crops burnt to cinders was all the ‘training’ I needed.”
Smother
“Before I hire new recruits, I test how long they can hold their breath. You’d be surprised how often it comes up.”
—Zahr Gada, Halimar expedition leader
Phyrexian Hulk
It doesn’t think. It doesn’t feel. It doesn’t laugh or cry. All it does from dusk till dawn Is make the soldiers die.
—Onean children’s rhyme
How cool is this – a nicely crafted poem from the game’s lore, printed directly into the card. Interestingly, this 7th Edition version of Phyrexian Hulk is the only one with this flavour text. Check out the rest on Scryfall – none are as good as this one.
Ardent Militia
“While the rest of us got paid to serve the Benalish army, the militia didn’t. I used to say they stood for freedom—free and dumb.”
—Gerrard of the Weatherlight
An old flavour text from the 1997 expansion set Weatherlight, yet somehow still relevant in today’s world.
Inspiration
“Day 31: I finally succeeded in my time reversal experiment!
“Day 30: I might have a problem here.”—Journal of the Prime Izmagnus
This is an Inception-level brain teaser. What happens when time goes backward and he eventually reaches the point where the time reversal experiment didn’t exist? Or does time loop forward and backward endlessly?
Catacomb Crocodile
“I am sewer-king!” said Rat. “I am quick and cunning and I know every tunnel.”
“No, I am king!” said Zombie. “I am cold and deadly and no rot can harm me.”
Then Croc came and ate them both.
Wave of Indifference
“Darius?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s a goblin sneaking up on you.”
“So?”
“Just sayin’.”
This is so typical of the Goblin mentality! Sometimes it’s good to translate this to real life, and just shrug: “who cares?”
Gluttonous Slug
No amount of salt will save you.
Ending the last card with a bang! Simple, yet very apt for a competitive card game like MTG. There has been enough salt spilled, and more will not save your game nor the respect that other players will have for you.
